URGH.

Currently trying to figure out a different layout. It may look retarded for the time being.

Gr. I don't specialize in blogger coding.

Done, I think. For sure not yet satisfied, will probably be changing it soon. My quick-edit button on my posts mysteriously disappeared when I started editing the codes myself. That makes me mad. It was there like, 10 minutes ago! Ugh. And the fonts are sort of gross. I like the overall layout though I guess. Blogger layouts are hard to do.

2008 was a Good Year

Damn right.
Sure, some bad parts too.

Let's review. In chronological order of course.
:D

2008:

• The start of something new (:
• Went to Vietnam for almost two weeks.
• Discovered love with a friend of several years. It's interesting to think that someone you'll someday love might be the guy sitting next to you in 7th grade Humanities class.
• Emily's first birthday. Just 11 days after her dad died. =[
• Survived first year of high school.
• New Mexico for two weeks, met one close friend.
• UW during the summer, long metro rides with him<3,
• Permitted. Passed with a 93%. =]
• Friends once again with an old friend. Except now we're closer. :D
• 5 months of nonstop<3,
• Half-sis and family came up to visit. It had been mannnyyy years.
• Eh.
• Sweet Sixteen. Entering an era of responsibility.
• TWILIGHT. Need I say more?
• Togetherness. 11/01/08.
• Mp3ed again! It had been what... 3 years? My goodness.

Rants are Wonderful

I should do it more often. Like later maybe. I think I'm about to sleep soon.

4 more days! Oh my gosssssh. 4 seems hella less than 5. Maybe I have missingboyfriend syndrome. That would explain things...

Staying at my aunt's until New Years. Having dinner here. Then mall with Yvonne is pushed back til Friday. Saturday making JL some choco. chip cookies, his favoriteeee. Yeah... it's definitely MB syndrome... sigh. Then Sunday will be a nice day. :D

Except... ugh. I haven't even touched homework since school got out. And I wanna hear back from my potential boss/co-workers.

Yeah, goodnight.

Tired

Wasn't left alone to sleep in. Dad woke me saying 10:30am is way too late to still be sleeping. I disagree, but okay.

Going to Viet-Wah with family. Spending the night with Emily I think. Then Northgate tomorrow with Yvonne. I'll have to do some rearranging with my schedule, but ehh. I'm too tired to think right now. The metro to Northgate takes quite awhile. I wish I had pepper spray.

Down

A rant. A meaningful yet meaningless rant. Are you ready for it?

I'm so freaking tired of feeling beat up all the damn time. SERIOUSLY. I know that you have to move on from what happened in the past, that's been drilled into my brain so many times and I know it's true. Move on, let the past be the past. But what if I CAN'T? I'd love to move on from it and never have to think about it again. It's not easy. I've kept it off my mind for awhile now, but at night I always think. I don't go to sleep because I think. And nowadays, it's all I can think about. Once that thought is in my head, it can't get out. But then the more I think about it, the more I just want to scream into my pillow and cry myself out. Yeah, it's dramatic but true. It's not a thought that's like... completely separate from life right now. One simple thought about breakfast or T.V or almost anything and I can be reminded of it. It's like, sure I'm happy now. I'm so amazingly happy at times it scares me. It's scary just because... what if it just stops? This happiness, it's not like I can hold on to it for the rest of my life. That's so negative, but being oppomistic is what landed me in this hole. So yeah, happy. Happiness that I can see now... came at a price. I've let myself suffer by myself. JL and I are so honest with each other now... we don't hide things. Yet this, it's so important. It's been making me want to scream at the world for so long. I need to tell him. I need to tell someone.

Sounds bad, probably because I'm in this frenzy right now. It's not. No criminal wrong was done to me or anything like that. It's something so simple that I'm one in a billion. I just can't get over it. I can't even get my mind wrapped around it. How could this be eating me up for so long? I thought of a good analogy for it... so you have this container of... hm. Spaghetti. And it's all gross and messy inside the tupperware container. It's sealed inside, nothing gets in or out. But then! You put it through a test... like a microwave. Well, you accidentally put it in for too long because SPLAT. It's all over the fucking place now. The mess in my head, it's all over. Yes, that was the corniest thing that possibly EVER came out of my blogging, but still. I do not care because I'm in this frenzied state where I am so pissed off and sad and emotional and dramatic and exasperated.

I think I have a headache. I wish I could shrug this mess away. I've tried ignoring it, analyzing it, forgetting it, nothing's worked. I think now I have to talk about it. And I know exactly who to talk to. They need to realize the mess they've caused. If only I could just let misery be a part of the past.

Journal Bits - 12/29

Sent in 2nd part of my job application. Fingers crossed!

People left some strange stuff in my truthbox, I kept some private to protect the public's innocent minds. Nasty asses.
Lol, I just felt like putting it back up. It's sort of fun. I used to hate them too, I guess I'm bipolar about them. Lmao.

Had a drive, did good. Got a haircut, not bad. Home now, miss Emily. 6 more days, miss JL. Drove parents around, was fun. LOTS of potholes in the road, scary.

Sigh, I so seriously hope I get this job. So much. I need to pray tonight. Pray a LOT.

The Sound of Music

Is on ABC, again...

My aunt's watching it with Emily now. Hehehee, Emily's super attached to me. I wonder how we'll sleep tonight. And what'll happen when I go home tomorrow.

Parellel parking tomorrow, at last. It's been cancelled twice now. I have it with Bill, so it's all good. He's the one that doesn't bite your head off, lmao. I hope I do okay.

I miss JL. Even if he did screw his hair up. I suppose a FOB hair color is something I'll just have to get used to. I just hope it's not as bad as it looks in my head. Hahahhh, oh boy...
Maybe he'll get on msn again so we can be all mushy and talk about how much we miss each other.
:D

One can only hope.

Bad Mood

Yeah,
I have fucking writer's block.

These two samples are due the 30th.

Wtf.
Whyyyyyyyyyy.

Good Things

Talked to JL last night on msn. =]
It was like, 2 in the morning when I finally signed off. Oi.

Emily cried until 4am because she kept wanting to play since I was there. Refused to sleep. Kept calling my abbreviated name and all. She was so cute but I was so freaking tired. I mean really, what 17-month old is up at 4am? Only Emilyyyyy. Jesus.

The job I applied for emailed me bacccck. I'm one of the narrowed-down applicants. Heck yes! Now I have a "writing test" where I have to submit some samplings.

Now for a fun-filled day. Maybe.

It's SUNNY! Holy crap.

This is a Special Day

I'M FINALLY LEAVING MY FREAKING HOUSE.

My God, it's been like... a week? Or more?!

And I get to drive to my aunt's. FRESH AIR. THE REAL WORLD. Yesssssss.
I packed up all of Emily's presents and her holiday card which is the cutest thing ever. Packed my clothes and crap too. Mhhhhmmm, I love life outside my house.

Can't Sleep

I like how nobody can yell at me when I stay up late since it's break. My mom's still up though. I seriously have nothing to do. Right now I'm looking through Flickr's "Interestingness". [Link]

I miss him. It sucks. I feel like a sappy gushy lovey person right now. I'll spare you the details. I'm just having this weird flashback of random times. Like, memories I haven't remembered in awhile. Most are the kind that make you smile even when there's nothing going around you. A couple aren't so nice though. Ones I want to get out of my system, but all is good. It's been two weeks now. Only 8 days left, technically since it's Saturday.

Blaaaah.

My "Current" Playlist

1. 11:11 - The All-American Rejects
2. Heels over Head - Boys like Girls
3. MakeDamnSure - Taking back Sunday
4. Love Story - Taylor Swift
5. Fall for you - Secondhand Serenade
6. Hero/Heroine - Boys like Girls
7. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
8. Crush - David Archuleta
9. The Fortunate - Cartel
10. Learning to Fall - Boys Like Girls

I'm going through a phase with the first two on the list. The third I've had on my myspace for a couple months now, used to relate to it a lot. Fourth is new and isn't similar to the others but I like it. Fifth is our song. It's amazing how well it fit the night. We were standing in line for the Ring of Fire when he said something that sounded like a line from the song, the line that's like "Tonight's the night that... etc. etc." Being an impulsive singer, I started singing it. Hahah, lmao. It was funny, but quite fitting. Six has been a favorite for a longggg time, I don't think I'll ever get tired of it. Seven used to annoy me a lot since it's always on the radio. I looked at the lyrics though and it's pretty cooool. Eight, idk. It's catchy and the lyrics are relatable. Nine is super catchy but it's hard to find on the internet though. The lyrics are pretty much super random too. Hahah. Ten is incredibly relatable. It would have been one I liked a couple months ago. Doesn't sound like BLG though, it's more pop-like.

Random list. Saving this for my future references.

[I had to rewrite this post three times. Kept getting stupid errors.]

About Time

Leaving the house today. My mom's friend's hubby shoveled our driveway for us. Hahah, what a kind soul.

Might go to my aunt's house, I haven't seen Emily in SO long.

Askdjalsdkj, wrote JL a super long email last night. We're so open and tell each other everything, so I basically wrote down this thing that's been bugging me for so long now. I doubt he'll read it though because I told him not to unless he had time which is highly unlikely. Sigh, it was a really long email. Something worth telling him and he's not even here. Just a little over a week left. Thank goodness.

Going to Vietnam in Feb. Did I mention that? Hahah, I don't even remember. My cousin's getting married, the first of my generation. I have so many cousins, lmao. But since he's the first one to get married I superly want to go. And I'm close to him. On my last day there earlier this year he went out and bought me a whole bunch of Asari comic books so I could read in Vietnamese. Hahahh. His fiance is cool too, I met her once. I've never seen a Viet wedding, so this should be cool. I'll only miss a couple days of school and president's week break. Probably only 10 days. I can't waaaaait. I'll be going with my mom, aunt, and Emily! I might be coming back home alone again though. My mom probably will want to stay longer. It was scary coming home alone, but no biggie. Except that creeper. Shudder.

Basically, my Zune is my 3rd best friend. I didn't really use it before but now it's constantly on. Off to go... be bored... I guess.

Desperation

It doesn't feel like Christmas Eve. I don't care much for the holidays this year. Saaaaad, I know.

My head feels super cluttered right now. This holiday mess has my mom all worked up and enthusiastic which just makes me want to get out of here. This project after that, right now she wants me to do so much. Christmas this, holiday that. Sure sure, I get it. But I'm starting to feel the need to scream at the top of my lungs.

Twilight's a good escape. I rarely read books twice, let alone a third time. Yes, I'd rather be in Forks than in this red and green madhouse. Insanity, I feel it coming.

Soduku too. Sp? I never knew why anyone would want to play it, but it came downloaded on my zune. It's almost addicting now.

Books about vampires and logic games. My grasp on sanity.

Bloody Hell

Hahahahahhh, I felt like typing in an English accent. Or British? Or is that the same thing. Damn, I feel unware.

Reading Twilight makes me sad. I think boredom is why I feel so obsessive. But reading it again shows how much I missed the first time. There needs to be more books. Like Midnight Sun. I don't want to see the movie for New Moon though. It'll be sad.

Yeah, today I noticed the lack of... good English in the book. Many of the same phrases used over and over again, very basic writing, etc. It's the story that counts in this case though. My goodness, probably my favorite book. Not just saying that either.

I made cookies today and forgot to add sugar. They taste like the beach. Boooooo.

In Favor

Hehehee, drive cancelled.

AND, today I found a digital camera tripod in the garage. It was hella random, I was over there to get some soda bottles. YES, a freaking tripod. This means no setting my camera on rocks or bushes to take pictures, or worse, asking my mom to take them. Hahah, yay for project052. Someday I'll have to do a 365. That would be amazing.

Uhh, watched Twilight again. Almost done reading Breaking Dawn. Hahahah, I love Edward and Bella. Just a slight obsession...

Not in my Favor

So the snow is finally melting, good. Right? Nooooooo, I have parellel parking tomorrow and it's not with Bill, the nice instructor. Nooooo. I've been dreading this day. It was originally supposed to be with Bill but then the stupid snow came and they had to reschedule me.

When I don't want snow, it falls. When I do, it melts. Life is a beezy sometimes.

I haven't even practiced PP yet. =/

Screwed.

ARGH

It's been too long, I don't like this.


I'm reading Midnight Sun again. Idk why. I'm bored, maybe that's it. Go read it if you're a Twilight fan. It's a draft of Twilight told from Edward's perspective. Only 264 pages though, around 1/3 of the book.

I feel like some deep-blogging tomorrow.

Snow Sucks

I'm bored out of my mind. I think I may go finish the novel I started writing during the power outages of '06.

It's about 48 word doc. pages. I've written the beginning, 3/4 of the middle, and the ending. Oh, and I did the cover art for it.

I don't think I'll ever finish it. It's a little morbid.

THROWBACK

HAHAHHHAH. alskdjaldjasldk, omg. He looks super different [except still chinkyyyy]. I look... the same.

April 23, 2008.

Something to Ponder

Seriously confusing.

So, those survey questions got me thinking.
"Do you miss your ex?", "Was your last relationship a mistake?"

Uhhh. Would JL be considered my ex? Would he have been my last relationship? And would he be considered dude#4 or #5? Hahahhh. I remember when I called my exes by a number following the word "asshole". That's cause I really did think that of them back then. Asshole is a harsh word though, so I shall refrain.

Super confusing.

Typicality

No school, didn't snow, got yelled at, applied for my DREAM job [being a writer for Pasado's Safe Haven which is an animal rescue-type group], got laptop taken away until now, talked to fam in vietnam on the phone, made mini pecan tarts, eating like a fat slob, miss JL, drew him the funniest picture ever with crap skill.

Ahh, yes. A typical day during break.

Boo-Boo

Hahahh, I found something to do.

So when I talked to JL on msn, I tried to show him my injury via webcam, but it didn't work very well. That is why I stuck my foot in a sink to get an angle where you could actually see them. I just now put it into Paint and circled the bruises.

Tell me how:
Three bruises and a scab from a rugburn against my jeans took place in one fall?
Yeah, ice is dangerous. Beware.

Kind of hard to see, but believe me. They are there.
[Click to enlarge somewhat. If you really wanted to... Idk why you would though.]

16

Sometimes, I don't know how the hell I passed grade school.

There's 16 days left. Wtf have I been saying? I can't count. End of story.

OI, 16?! My goodness. Today felt like two weeks on its own. There is absolutely nothing to do right now. I guess that's cause it's 12am. But still. Not like I can drive anywhere. This blog will be consumed by my whining and complaints probably until next year. Sorry Blogger folks.

I would like to fast-forward life a couple weeks. Snow is fun and all, but not when it limits your life. I'm hella freaking bored. I've maxed out my internet usage for probably a long ass time. Yeah, I need to stop cussing when I'm angry too. GR. I feel angry at life. I don't want to be stuck at home until this stupid snow melts away. I make no sense, it's due to my lack of sleep.

I think I should go sleep now.

Frustrations

Today was an early project052, but whateverrrr.

I thought they were good, and they are. Only when viewed at normal size. I know I whine about Myspace and the picture quality on there, but it's superly pissing me off. Looks like a freaking webcam picture. Ugh.

Talked to JL on msn yesterday. Finally! Omg. Emails feel so old school, lmao. He's leaving to Hong Kong sometime today though so no contact for a couple days. Lameeeeoo. I miss that poop head.

It's super cold. It's going to get colder. I wish I was in Vietnam.

Brr

I don't like today. It's not only cold and miserable out, but it's raining too which means the snow is not sticking. Lame. Totally not worth the cold weather.

Math test part 2 earlier today, and now a French test coming up. I'd rather not. I sincerely believe that I will fail my first French test today. French is quite far from my mind at the moment. All I want to do right now is go home and sleep. School is annoying when all we do is shuffle back and forth between classes in the slush and below-freezing temperatures.

This is why I'm blogging and not working on my Banned Books essay.

" "

What's meant to be will be.

How cheesy and vague. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Idk, that quote just randomly came to mind. I remember telling myself that and hearing it from those who cared about me. I got tired of hearing it but then I saw how it could apply to me. And so it did. It's so true though... the way things work out. When you're hopeless and have no faith left, it's hard to put your trust into a stupid quote that you can find off someone's myspace.

I basically was quite angry at God for awhile. I love Emily so much, and it was so unfair to just sit there and watch her father die. What did she do to deserve it? For many months afterwards I didn't feel like there was anything to believe in. I had my hopes up the whole time, "He'll be okay in the end. He'll survive." No, it didn't work out that way.

Then earlier this year... I don't like sharing details of it all but it applied too. Leah even told me that quote and I was like "yeahyeah, I get it". I guess I tried to salvage what was there... and at one point I was like "screw it". I didn't give up, I just let things go. I figured that if things were to turn out for the better, then they would. If not then I would just have to move on. I backed off, and I guess that's all I had to do in the first place. That day... it was just pure luck. I asked my mom if I could go out to Fright Fest alone with a guy for several hours during rainy weather and she actually said yes. Wtf. It was a first. AND she offered to drive, that was unusual too. So what if my mom had said no? I wonder what would have happened. Then, that night was one that I'll remember possibly forever. It was that fun and amazing, but I'll keep those details to myself. They're too cute, hahahh. Although I did catch pneumonia that night. But oh well. What's meant to be will be.

Better Day

I hurt myself several times though. Once bashing my hip on a table, swinging my hand into a desk, and got probbed in the back with a chair leg. Hahahh.. oh my.

I got an email though. Cutieeeeee. Once a day is little contact, but way better than nothing. Apparently keyboards in Chinese internet cafes don't work properly, lmao.

Going to see Emily! My God, I've wanted to see her for dayyyys. I get to take pictures too for photography and just for the sake of pictures. I hope roads aren't icy in Auburn, my mom's a paranoid driver. Hahah, I must get it from her.

Wow, about one hour left of school and yet two more classes to go. NOOOOO, 5th period. Gross.

Bland

Things feel dull. I miss my Boobie.

Well, I still have tons of crap to do. Christmas shopping is a big one. I have presents planned out but no way to get there. Asian drivers on ice, not good. I'm not licensed either, so not like I can take myself. I have a drive this Friday. Parellel parking in the snow...? Cool, but I'd rather not.

I need to see Emily toooo. I want pictures of her to develop for photography.

And I'm going to wear my old dirty Kangaroos from now on because I'd rather not shatter my body parts again.

Ouch

I bit it today. HARD. My knee bled too.

I want an email. Ugh.

YES!

He emailed me, hahah. Finally.

Schools are already closing! Kent makes last-minute choices though, so who the hell knows. I hope there isn't school though, lol. I didn't do my math homework. And the cold makes me somewhat miserable and crappy.

Lmao, my mom just tried to have a sex conversation with me. Creepy.

So-so

Ugh, I miss JL. This sucks. The snow is sticking and all over outside and I can't enjoy it with him. I don't know how 3 weeks is going to work. ERGGGHHH.

So I just applied for a job online for WalMart. Lmao, truth is that I really like that store. So it's all good. I found $2 shirts there and I've been in love ever since. It's close to my house too and 10% employee discount! I had to take a "Retail Pre-Employment Assessment" which was 65 questions long. I passed though, so it was worth the time. I superlyyyy need a job. If WalMart doesn't contact me then I will try T.J Maxx next. That store is okay, nothing unique about it. And I can't get food. Sucks.

I'm sleepy. And hungry. I ate pho twice today, it was good. I made muffins too, two batches of them. Then I washed the dishes. It's been a good day for my parentals.

Neglect

I think I've been neglecting my blog. Sad, tsk tsk.

Over break I'll spend some time on here to actually write things that aren't so dull and dry. Idk, we'll see. I was just looking through old blogs and they're so long and have content. Lately I've just been blogging in class about random tidbits.

Dreading it

After school went to the library, then Red Robin. I'm still full, and we ate like 2 hours ago. My God.

He's home walking in the gross weather right now, I feel so bad. I can't wait until I can finally drive others around without a parental unit. We had an awesomeeee time but it was so sad when we had to go. I'll miss him, no freaking doubt about it. Lovelove, that word annoys me sometimes. Improper usage of it by more people than I ever thought possible. Still though, I mean it. I do love that boy.

TGIF, sike.

He liked it! Ohh and awwed for the viewing. I'm soooo relieved. He said some cute things too. Man. This sucks, he leaves TOMORROW. I put something in there though that he can't open until he's gone. Hope he likes that too. It's cute, I spent way too much time on it and had too much fun. Crayons are the best.

He gave me two of his shirts, so I should be good. They smell like him :D. Hehehee, my collection is now at 3. I can't wait until Jan. 4.

Major

I finished JL's presents. I feel so happy. He's leaving soon, but I feel seriously accomplished.

Just one more weekish until break. Winter is so gloomy. The only good part about it is snow. Snow brightens everything and makes for good photography. Can't wait, can't wait!

I got $60 today for an early Christmas gift. I feel wealthier already.

Thursday, wahoo

No, not really.

At least it's not raining, that's all I can say. Tonight I have so much to do, like the final touches on JL's present. I can't wait until he sees it. My gosh. I'll miss him way too much. 3 weeks in cold miserable winter. Yuck.

I need to be creative and find a way for him to talk to me while on these stupid school filters. This sucks butt. Sigh, buttload of homework too. Had to call home today for the first time, not cool.

ADJKALSSSKSJS.

=[

Today was probably the last day me and JL will hang out outside of school until next year.
=[

What a cute day though, I sweaaar. He's too good to me. Three weeks without him is too much. Being lovey dovey, yeah it's all mushy and gross from the outside, but it means more than you can know. Idk, things just feel so stable now. Plans for the future don't get made in broken relationships. I just don't dread the upcoming years anymore.

Oh to be young and in love...

Good Day

Except for the rain.

Drove to my aunt's house today, that was pretty good. My mom said I drove good and I could tell too since she wasn't screaming at me the whole time. Emily is the cutesiest baby ever, hands down. She wore me out though. She knows how to blow kisses now, it's too cute. And she can say Jacky. Hahahh. "Jackeeeee".

So my new obsession is baby names. Aren't they cute to look at? Or maybe it's just me. Hahahh, I could look all day. Sometimes I doubt my sanity. Don't we all?

UGHHHH, JL leaves in 4 days. It's not fair. But he told me cutesy things that made me feel better (:
Tomorrow he's coming over, then swim meet Thursday perhaps. I was going to ask to go to the airport with him on Saturday but it's a tad too early for me, and I wouldn't have a ride home. POOP.

And, I hope there's no drama next week. We'll see. Some people are just... not going to welcome me back with open arms. I don't see why and neither does anyone else involved. Certain people though, they just hold grudges by association. Who the hell knows.

Success

Under my links on the right side there's a link to my deviantART. I got a new 052. Only it's early so I'm going to save it until Sunday before I upload elsewhere. I like it I think. Nothing will ever beat 11:11 though. Idk why, I just really like that one. There's a link to the original on that page too, BIG changes.

I don't know whate else to say. Whirlwind day in a way. It's been too much. I'm getting tired of it.

I procrastinated too long on homework too. Lame. I guess that's not success.

Freaking Driving

I drove JL to/from my house today. My mom was all cool about it even though he can't be in the car when I'm driving. She's like, whatever. Just drive. I think she really enjoys it when I drive since it's a relief for her.

First time EVER I've gotten honked at. EVER. Ugh. Lame ass driving skills today. On the way home with just my mom and I this jackass honked at me then cut me off. It was stupid.

Anyways, it was a fun day. Only 6 days left. =[[

Awwwww

JL leaves in exactly 1 week. This sucks ass. Can't spend Christmas with my dude. Sighhhh. At least he's coming over tomorrow. We can spend some quality time together before he leaves for freaking China.

Ahblahblahhhhh. I feel sad.


Ugh, and those people who copy off otherrrrs. Why? Inspiration I believe is completely different.

Dear TB. again

Truthboxer, I know who you are. 99% sure of it.

That's kind of two-faced. But ya know, whatever. It's not like we were ever that close of friends. I'll continue to act as if nothing ever happened. Just... no funny ideas. Okay?

Journal Bits - 1205

So I was quite inspired by Ofmara and our biology lab, meaning I went out to QFC to buy some Nutella. And spicy cheetos, applesauce, canned fruit, 7up, etc. It's so freaking good. I think it's my new food obsession.

I drove to JCP today. Mom was determined to go to the doorbuster sales which oddly enough, started at 3pm today. I got two $9.99 sweaters. Hahahh, cheap is lovely. Not ugly though, not that cheap stuff. Then drove around to random stores so my mom could look for cookie ingrediants.

Soon I have to go try on outfits for tomorrow. It'll be so sad. I haven't ever been to a funeral where I actually knew the person. I missed my uncle's funeral while I was in New Mexico earlier this year... sad. I just don't want to go tomorrow, I'm not good at being in sad atmospheres. Oi...

Babe did good in swimming! Hahahh, if only I saw for myself. Ugh, and I lost another bet with him today. Damn, it's 2-3. Must catch up. 8 days until he leaves for China, pooooopy. Breaks are opportunities to hang out and do things together. Eh, at least it'll be cold and miserable out anyways. I'll miss the pooper a lot, this sucks. His present is 3/4 finished =]

I'm enjoying my junkfood now. Bye :)

Not Much

so say actually. My good ideas come and go.

So right now I'm really super thirsty and I want to go drive. Emily's going to be here in a little bit and I will be forced to make cookies. Funeral tomorrow, then after-"party" thing. Idk what you call it. Then JL's coming over Sunday. He leaves in 8 days =[

Blog later.

Forgot to Blog

Will blog later tonight. Have interesting things to talk about. In Blodge now, I'm not quite feeling it in here. I'm sleepy.

Just Noticed

My highlights are ALL gone now!

Hahahh, I always thought they were gone but then I would catch a glimpse of them in the mirror or someone would point them out to me. Sort of sad. I had them a long time too. My hair feels dull and boring now. When it becomes absolutely unbearable then I'll let Samantha do what she wants with it, her hair is awesome. :D

Ugh, I wish it wasn't so retarded. Maybe I'll set my straightener on a higher temperature, which will eventually burn my hair to a crisp. Ew, hair dilemmas.

Cutieeee

=]]]]]]]]]]]

Oh, the art of writing.

My butt hurts really bad from sitting for so long. Thank goodness lunch is soon. I am 100% caught up with my math homework, the feeling is great. I'm wearing his hoodie jacket thing, it's a tad large on me, but it's comfy and snuggly. Smells like him too :D

Soooo hungry, sub in math! Great day.

My Lovely Day

8 month! Hahahh, I don't even know which one to do by.

I ate pho today, oh damn. Good stuff. I need to learn how to make it for when I'm older and want to embrace my ethnicity, hahah. I ate 3/4 a regular sized tub of ice cream today, I'm still eating right now. Can't stop!

This website for English I'm making is becoming my baby, it's grown on me. I made the navigation buttons on gimp today. It's pretty! Hahahh, I'll link it once I'm done.

Off to eat some more... then call JL and wake him up. Hahahh, he's funny.

Sleepily Blogging

Okay, so I don't even know what to blog about. I'm really sleepy, I was sleeping on the couch earlier then my mom told me to do to bed and I woke up, lmao.

Soooo, after losing a bet JL has not been able to mock me all day long, but he still forgot and did it anyways. Hahahh, he's a bad loser. But I lost two bets so I'm buying teriyaki tomorrow, dangit. I should be smarter about making bets. In a couple minutes I'm about to call him soooo it's all good. I'm actually done with all my homework too, a first in awhile.

Well, nothing interesting tonight. Bye!

Ew, Monday

So yesterday I drove to Southcenter and back and all around. Malls are scary, lots of people to potentially hit. And those stupid teenage boys directing traffic, ugh. They made me mad. Only once I ran over a curb when I turned into traffic, hahahh. Then some jackass pulled out right in front of me. I hit the brakes a little too hard, stupid driver.

Now I'm sort of bored. My butt hurts from these chairs. Missed the bus this morning, I was on time. Lame start. But!

Happy 1 month! <3
Hahahh, he called me at 12:48am to tell me that.

Tomorrow is 8 months.

The Day Ahead

Driving mom around to do errands. I haven't driven for a couple days, I hope I still remember how. Lmao. Then I got to cash in all my coins at a coinstar or something. After months of collecting spare change I should get some decent cash from it. Then I MUST clean my room. Must. My parents haven't even mentioned it but it's bothering me so badly.

Worked on JL's present yesterday. I might want to keep it for myself when I'm done with it, hahahh. AND he likes the camera I got him. I was worried about that. It's not a super nice camera or anything, but it gets the job done pretty much equal to mine. Same brand and all. Mine's got less MP which saddens me. The 10x zoom is nice though I don't use it that much.

Hmmm, off to get ready.

2nd Reply

Wow, a reply to a reply! :D

Yeah, I took that blog post off. It was just a misunderstanding last night. I tend to take things too seriously sometimes... you know? It was a loved one but it was because of my lack of communication, hahahh.

And thanks! It'd be sort of disheartening if people said that he wore my clothes better... hahahh.

Hm, so do I ever get to know who you are? I've sort of been wondering about it and thinking of possible people, but that's bad because I'm just assuming stuff. I might be completely and utterly wrong. Who knows.
:D

Feels like Sunday

JL finally came over. Hahahh, I had fun with my camera. I took like, 50 pictures today. My myspace default is of me with my new vest and my beanie and him wearing it too. He looks cute in my clothes. XD

So I don't have much to do. I want to mess around with GIMP some more but that means I need to take more pictures, blehk.

Emily's home! I missed that stinky little baby.

I don't want to go back to school. =[

Black Friday!

Woke up at 3:30am. Was supposed to wake up at 3:15 but forgot to adjust my alarm clock. I had a major OMG moment as I sprung out of bed and woke my mom up. Somehow, in half an hour, we managed to get dressed/look decent, grab a box of cereal for on the go, and drive all the way down to JL's house, which usually takes us 20 minutes. My mom was doing 60mph down James, it was funny. Got there, and I was sorta nervous. Moms scare me sometimes.

Went to Frys, got a zune! FINALLY, dang. The line was hella long though, wrapped almost all the way around the perimeter of the store. I got the last 4gb zune, so it's all good. I think 4gb is enough for me. I'm not sure though, but I can always upgrade later when I actually have money. Then to Nordstrom Rack, bought a cardigan. Then to Old Navy, bought lots of stuff. I don't even remember now. Then I was dropped off so I could meet up with my parents at Sears, bought a cutesy hoodie/vest thing. Went to JCP but I stayed out in the car and slept. Then 99 Ranch Market, where I slept. And I'm setting up zune software, but I will sleep soon again.

Ahahhh, I love Black Friday =]

Ahh, Turkey

Actually, it's chicken this year. Hahahh, my family's funny.

I finished Breaking Dawn at 1:37am this morning. My eyes are bloodshot and hurting, but it was worth it. I'm sad the series is over. All I can do now is wait for the movies/Midnight Sun books.

I can't help but feel happy now. I no longer see a point in being pessimistic or mopey about life. I realized that I just spent too much time worrying about things. Everything. I suppose it could have something to do with GAD, but it's not my excuse. Even now that there's nothing wrong with how things are, I just find a reason to worry. It's really got to stop. I feel like I'm some middle-aged woman who doesn't remember how to enjoy life. It's time to get past that, it's no way to live.

Kerlyn's going to be in Vegas soon! I can't share my epiphany with her. =[

Journal Bits - 1126

So I just got home. I have been driving all over various parts of Kent, Auburn, and Covington. HOLY CRAP, I even parked between two cars, changed lanes, roundabout, 60mph, all that crap. Hahahh, I'm so proud of myself.

Anyways, tomorrow is Thanksgiving! We're not doing much though. My aunt and Emily have left for Yakima and my parentals aren't feeling the holiday spirit this year =/

Black Friday! I'll have to talk to JL about our plans. I don't want to get shot at the mall though. Ehk.

Finally got Breaking Dawn. I shall spend every free moment reading it now, goodbye.
=]

Dear Truthboxer

To whoever left me a truthbox message about an hour ago:

You made a reference to my family... so I'm just guessing that you read my blog earlier. Maybe you'll read it again.

You don't know how your message affected me. It makes me feel so much better to know that there are still people like you out there. To hate someone yet be able to put that aside to wish them well... not many people could do that. You could have taken the bitch-route like many others... "I hate you. You shouldn't be with him." You proved to be above and beyond that. I'm sorry you've hated me... if only I knew who you were. I never knew that I acted happy and flawless around people... honestly. I thought the exact opposite, awkward and dull. Yes, I am deeply flawed. There's nothing perfect about my life but I think we're all like that. Yes, this was just a Truth Box message, small and simple. But I feel like I just had to thank you for it. You're extrememly kind and generous, thanks for thinking I deserve much more than I actually do.

P.S, you have really nice grammar! :D

Oh Eff

Gosh freaking dammnit. Kerlyn inspires me (:

I hope you're happy after reading this. [This isn't to evoke any type of emotion from anybody, well except one person. I hope they read this. Then I'm fucking done.]

Born to parents who were war refuges who came to this country with $40. Grew up in the streets of D.C, and it's not as pretty as many people think. Parents didn't know English, so guess who was translator ever since I entered school.

Third grade, dad suffered a brain tumor. It was the size of an egg. Spent years in hospital rooms and rehab with my dad, scared, didn't know what was happening. I thought he was going to die. Ate McDonalds every night for months because mom had to work, dad was in the hospital. Surgery after surgery. Feed him through a tube in his mouth, drained the blood from side of his head from the tumor, accompanied him to all of his doctor appointments so I could speak for him, all at 9-11 years old. Dad is slow now, bad temper too, I had to become accustomed to it. Aunt came from Vietnam, again, I was translator. She went back and forth from country to country over a span of years. Mom did/does nails in a salon converted from my garage, dad didn't/doesn't work. Money you ask? Wasn't there.

Years later mom's appendix blew up. Not usually a big deal, except doctors fucked up. Opened on the wrong side, put her intestines back in tangled. Came home 3 days later then went right back in for weeks. She was the source of income, the driver, the doer. So what happened? Relied on other people for things such as going to the store to buy TV dinners and premade breakfasts. Slept for nights in the hospital, spent spring break curled up on a small couch in the room. Finally home, I did everything. Dad suffered a brain tumor, mom was still recovering, who else was there?

Brought home a C once. That didn't go over well. Bs aren't even accepted in this household. A-s get questioned. A lapse in judgement and my grades suffered poorly. Tried hard to please my parents, I was their only one. All of their expectations piled on me. Their hopes and dreams, what they never got, they wanted for me. All day long it's about school school school. They enstilled in me that I would be a doctor when I grew up. That's not what I want anymore. I want to follow my own passions and dreams, but I didn't have the heart to tell them. I don't even know now. I just know that I'll never get a C again.

Mom went to the emergency room two more times. Once I had to call an ambulance for her. Dad went to the emergency room another time only several years ago.

You try being a kid when you know a hospital floor plan by heart, a new person takes you from school to the hospital every day, you administer medicine for your parents daily, you tube feed your dad, drain his blood for him, you have to calm your mom down after she has hallucinations from her new meds, you have to call to schedule your parents' doctor appointments, you fill out their forms, you care for them because they're your parents.

Aunt married, then in 2007 had a baby girl, Emily. Uncle had cancer at the time. It was a cell cancer in his lung, very rare, few treatments. He died earlier this summer. Mom was busy, dad couldn't help, so I went to live with them. Aunt was unstable for weeks, I helped raise Emily. I watched her, fed her, played with her, cared for her, while trying to help my aunt fend off bill collectors and heal. I cared for Emily so much, I am now in my aunt's will. Should anything happen to her and I am over 18, I will be Emily's legal guardian. Above her Godparents, above my own mother, I am first to have Emily.

My parents are yes, my parents. They feed me, they clothe me, etc. They are great. But I don't run to them for my problems as assumed. Dad has a temper, why would I want to infuriate him. Mom is independent, doesn't believe in being weak. I had pride too, why would I cry to anyone who would listen. Yes, I was by my fucking self. Nobody was there, it was all fake concern. I perfected the art of crying. Cry in the shower, that way there's no difference when you come out. Dab your eyes with tissues so you don't make them red. Put your glasses on, it conceals it. No, I didn't run to people. What people did I have?

Before making specific assumptions, you should should stop contradicting yourself and get it straight.

That's what I think (:

Chill Day

YES! Finally got to hang out today. Hahahh, we watched Parental Control. People on there are not niceeee. Lmfao. It was cool, I love hanging out with him<3.

Conference later tonight. I get to drive too!

Heheee. I couldn't resist the kissy picture. XD

To my Face

Lied.

You're so fucking hypocritical, just LOOK at yourself. Don't make assumptions about me or my family life. You don't know shit. From what you've said, YES damn. I've been through more. I won't bother writing my life story out though, I don't want attention.

UGH

Idk where he is. This was a longer period too, so freaking lame. But heyyy, at least it's a half day. He's coming over tomorrow, then I have drive #2. Perhaps Yakima this weekend. My calendar is starting to fill up. Oh, and I finished Midnight Sun. I WANT MORE.

And I'm going to try to find someone with the last book. I must!

And like, I hate liars.
Yeah, you.
:D

Big Ass Sigh

I'm freaking tired. I need some more sleep, even though I just woke up.

And no, I won't bother to retaliate this time. You're not worth shit.

Truthbox

Debatable in my mind.

I used to think that they were so pointless and it was a bunch of crap. But then I added it on a whim and it's sort of cool. I wish I would know who these people were though. I got one today that really made my day. If only I knew who it was from! I was thinking about taking it down, but who knows. Perhaps I'll leave it up for awhile. (:

Only 2 days left of school! Drive #2 on Wednesday! OneMonth in one week!

AMAs

Ne-yo is good live. Too much Christina Aguilera. I hope Taylor Swift wowed Joe Jonas. Chris Brown and Rihanna are even. Kanye's speech was too long. Pink had a pretty dress. Paris Hilton screwed up, and looked really awkward. Leona Lewis has an amazing voice.

Hm, that's it so far.

Sunday

Emily's over! New 052. Added Truthbox app. JL's working today =[
About to drive mom to the store. I can buy spicy cheetos! Yayayayy.
Uhhh, super random stuff.

Comments

So comments are open to everyone now, even anonymously. I blog a lot, too much maybe, so if there's something you'd like to say on any of these then go right ahead.

If you are logged in with an Open ID then it may not be anonymous, but I'm sure it'll tell you whether you are or not when you post one.

Rest In Peace

Arlan... Alex... Goldfishy... Jack [the snail]...

All within several weeks.

Arlan found dead in his recliner with his husky by his feet. He had been dead for 4 days before they found him. I remember his dog... so sweet and gentle. Arlan always appreciated me when I helped out at Arbor Village. His memorial service was yesterday, but I had a drive. I would have been there.

Alex died today. Technically he's not dead, as he's only brain dead. Still, keeping him alive would be nearly the same as letting him go. Currently, he's only on life support because his organs will be donated. I've known him ever since I've known his step-mom. Probably 10-11 years. He was born with water in his brain, which caused his mental-like behavior. Idk what it is technically, similar to autism I suppose. He was so kind and funny in his own way.

Fish/Jack. Well, someone unplugged the tank. They both died. I thought Jack was just being a snail, but no. He's floating around right now. I hoped that snails float sometimes... but I think he's really dead.

Rest in Peace everyone.

Midnight Sun

"She was dreaming of me.

Could a frozen heart beat again? It felt like mine was about to."

-Edward Cullen

Aww, best quote thus far. I'm only on page 109/264. "Midnight Sun", heard of it? I was apparently late to find out about it. It's Twilight from Edward's point of view. Click.

I like today

Uhuhhh, saw TWILIGHT. I didn't like it so much, it wasn't like the book. The movie made everything sound so awkward and cheesy. Ehk. It was a good visual though. Some parts I liked. I'm not sure if JL liked it too much though, but he endured it for me. =]

Got there HELLA early. Bought tickets, went to the library, ate Chipotle, bought popcorn [I added so much butter to it I felt a little sick afterwards], went in. He's so super sweet, hahahh. I told him that him/Edward have echinodermata hair. Heheee, [I got 21/21].

From KS to likeeee, idk. Around KMish, I got to drive home. Fun stuff maaaan, my mom was all yelling and my dad was telling her to be quiet. I did not hit anything or cause chaos. I think I did okay for today.
(:

Success!

Whoawhoaaa,
It was supposed to be a parking lot drive, but I freaking drove back! Hella excitingggg, driving is not as bad as I thought. I parked perfectly too :]]

Hmmmmmmm, I realy need to find my camera battery charger. I want to show up previous stuff. Hahahh, I feel inspired to be better than others.

Oh! And I have the highest grade on my CWI honors essay so far of them all. Hehee. :D

TWILIGHT TOMORROW. Hell yes. <3

Relief

The first drive is just in a parking lot. With few-no cars. I can do this. Yeahyeaaah.
I leave in 9 minutes for my flu shot. What joy.


Ew, I have to go back at 1:50 so the doctor can check my lungs again. Hopefully, no pneumonia. Then driving school at 3:00. So much to freaking do.

He made a promise. <3
:D

Yaaaay!

I spent like, 2 hours driving at night. So awesome. I still hope I don't fail tomorrow's drive though. At least I'm a smidge bit more prepared.

I showed him, he's reading it now. I wonder what he'll think. Silly silly.

Ehkgads

I feel super random at the moment.

I have to go in about 2 hours. So much shit to do thoughhhh. Ugh. I have to fill out that job application too, dangit. It's like the perfect job for me at the moment. The times, requirements, etc. The only thing is that $8.07 isn't the best pay ever. But it goes up as I move up. AND, it's a job with the city, so it should look good on resumes and whatnot.

Ugh, I still feel pissed off. Freaking attention-wanters.

Report card came home today. I did good. =]

Funny Shit

I took this off when I thought it wasn't needed anymore.

Wish I would have kept it.

Exasperated

I guess that's one word to describe how I feel.

Today sort of sucked. I was angry. =/

But I got a belated birthday gift, $100! From my mom's friend. People are so generous, it amazes me.

Right now I'm pretty tired. I might just sleep. Then wake up to talk to him later. Sigh.

Swing, swing

A poem a day? Hehehee, I have too many projects. I think I want to do it though. Should I make a new blog? Or is that too many. Maybe I'll just have it on here. Get ready blogger folk!

1:

I brushed off my tire swing.
Weeks of fallen leaves and rain covered the black rubber tire.
The three blue rubber strands that held it up delicately.
My late uncle put that swing up for me.
His strong arms spent all morning working,
while I waited,
pressing my nose up to the window.
Summer days spent there,
twisted, turned around.
Laughter in the air as we twirled in circles,
Around and around and around.
Now the tire has grayed,
Roughed up and worn,
It swings in the wind.
Back and forth,
Just waiting.
And on this day,
The sun is not shining,
The season is not summer,
But still, I wipe it down
And I sit.
Leaning back,
I let myself swing.

Lovely Poetry

UNLIKE yours. I'm not a harsh judge on writing/poetry or anything, cause it just depends on the writer. Ya know? No, this one was bad. No taste, just a bunch of meaningless insults merged into a big long stanza. Your work is shitty, I'm sorry.

I still need to writewritewrite. I've written 2 stream of consciousness, but they're too personal for a public blog. I showed them to him though. I love how he takes in my writing, it's the outcome I can only dream of. Loveloveeee<3

This Morning

was so awesome. No jokeeeee. I got a totally different reaction than what I thought.

But ugh, the jeans I bought in Vietnam are loose on me. I used to suck in to button them up because jean sizes in Vietnam are way smaller than here. Freaking GRRRRR.

6/22/08 cntd.

Another one from New Mexico. I like the one below more though.


Lies, a dangerous way to corrupt yourself
A secret kept here, a secret kept there.
They blow easily through my mind, forgotten within days.
There in the back of my mind they pile up
I frequent this pile, digging through all the things you have lied about.
All the bad things you have done.
Incriminating evidence of what you have committed.
You move on with your life, you thought I had forgotten for good.
And I may forget for quite some time, but the pile grows and grows.
Soon, there will be no room.
What happens when lies take over your body?
You will not recognize the people who were dishonest to you.
You see their faces, their bodies like normal.
Their kind smiles blockading their inner selves,
But if you look closely, and look right through them, you will see.
You will see the monster that lives within them, spitting out lies, unable to be honest.
Your world will come down on you, raining mistrust and infidelity
You will be frightened by these creatures who’ve taken over countless identities.
It’s not until you look down at yourself that you realize the truth,
Even you have a monster inside yourself,
we all do.

6/22/08

Stream of consciousness written in NM:


Your name alone kept me up long enough to see the tip of the sun rising in the sky.
Forever embedded was your presence,
You were mine.
I thought I knew who you were,
Not just the bold characteristics of your appearance,
But the deeper beauty of your being,
You were my inspiration for all things written,
Every word scribed by my swift hand wound back to you.
I would show you my writing,
And breathlessly, you would read.
All the while I was hoping, you knew it was about you.
But you merely uttered the same words back,
Like only a broken record could do.
In time I have grown to see, you were not the same.
Your name no longer had the same rhythm and song,
Your smiles were forced, you were just playing along.
Your fingers were like ice, laced in with my own
Your eyes no longer twinkled even when mine shone.
I tried to reach out to you,
To save our souls, relinquish
And what was left of us as a whole.
But your breath was not the same,
Your voice dull and mundane,
No, it’s safe to say that you were not the same.

Inspiration

I read the anthology from my two weeks in New Mexico this last summer. Some good stuff. I feel inspired and want to write something. And bake. So many things to write and say... Who knows, if it's good then I'll post it up here. If it sucks then I'll just tuck it away somewhere so I can find it months from now and laugh.

He's not answering his phone. Why must he sleep so much. He's like, a sloth or something. Lmao, we're made for each other. <3

Sunshinee

It's sunny out! Ugh, this weather would have been perfect for yesterday's 052. It's supposed to be like this tomorrow too before the rain.

Madame talked about baking today, makes me want to go make some pecan tarts or breakfast muffins. Hmmmm, if only I wasn't so lazy.

Oii, I have to find my camera battery charger. It's not where it used to be, damnit.

My goldfish died today. =[
Poor fishy, I've had it for 4-5 years. Goldfish named Blaze. So sad.

Tiring

Third period, what fun. My eyelids want to shut because of my lack of sleep last night. Ugh. Bad night.

It's good today though. He was cutesy. And I finished my homework in class. It takes skill to do that, no lie. Lunch next, then math, then French. Ahhhh, so hungry.

I feel

so super LD. Tomorrow when I see him I'm going to do that super frilly girly jumpy thing that makes guys cringe. I can't wait.

YAY, almost time for Desperate Housewives.

Oh Sunday

Shitty day. I felt extremely pissed off this morning and I still am.

But! I took this week's 052 and it turned out nicely. Myspace butchers picture quality though. Check out the pictures! I didn't have my own camera and I had to use autotimer so that was really interesting. I want my camera back. =[

Mom's still having her party right now. So I'm trapped in the living room with not much to do. I'm okay though, I have internet and that's basically limitless.

Poop Day

He was in Seattle all day and couldn't come over. =[
Oh well, there's tomorrow.

Emily came over so I got to witness her cuteness all over again. Then went to Target and got some cute cheapo stuff. Then baked batches of cookies for mom's party tomorrow.

Ahahahh, I can work on his Christmas present then. It'll be so good. AND I have to take my 052 tomorrow. Ughugh, forgot today. There was super nice lighting too. Damnit.

Oh BEEZY,

Fucking get a life. I thought you had one. I was feeling happy for you too now that you're not "lonely" anymore. You have your own boytoy so back the fuck off.

If you hate me so damn much then take it up with ME, not my boyfriend or the random chicks in the locker room.

Why do you even "hate" me? Is it because you argued with me about wanting to hug my boyfriend and you lost and looked like a pathetic bitch? That's you looking like a jealous loser because there's no other reason to "hate" me. You lost, get the fuck over it. You DISGUST me.

TGIF

Awwww, he was so super sweet today. =]]
Hopefully he can come over tomorrow. We need some hangout time.

I have wayyyy too much to do. I have to take an 052 for this week and edit it and all that shizz. That's sort of top priority since I didn't take one these last few weeks. But I'm putting it all off for a nap now. Hahahah, bye.

Buahahah

You're stupid. I bet this won't even last more than 2 weeks. Stop fooling yourself kiddo.

Anywho, I CRAVE JUNKFOOD. Holy moly. Spicy cheetos or somethinggg.

I'm tired. I want to sleep, but I'm talking to him on msn. He makes me not sleepy, so I'm good now. GA tonight! Yeahyeah! And perhaps I will go driving tomorrow. And I have lots of stuff to look for tonight. And yeah, that's about it.

Journal Bits - 1112

I'm feeling scatterbrained today. =]

So I really need a new picture with Emily. The poor babe is like 16 months old now and I haven't taken a picture with her since she was like, 11 months old. She's grown so fast, now she can call me by name =]. And when asked where I am, she points. She has also learned to hug. Not little half hugs, but she'll run to you and throw her arms around your neck and hold you like that for several moments. Seriously, it just makes your heart melt.

Ehhhh, he's not home yet. Today was sort of poop since I barely saw him. Lmao, he's too cute. This was evident today. If only he didn't miss first period though. Ehhhkk, that class is dull without him. It was funny though today we watched some boring man talk. Even Ms. D aknowledged the fact that he talked too much and was boring. She's cool. Which reminds me that I need to find my negatives from the last assignment. Ugh.

No drama. I like it. Makes for dull blog entries though. Oh well, who gives a damn. Just don't read then.
:D

Victory!

I swallowed that pill whole, take that you 875mg sucker!

Yay, school tomorrow. I get to see him tomorrowwww. And I'm feeling hella better. Super energy mode.

So at the dentist's today they took 3 molds of my teeth for my ortho. appointment whenever. EW, that stuff tasted hella nasty. They took 2 x-rays too, they butchered one so technically they took 3. It was all very long, I was in there for more than an hour. Most of the time just sitting around.

And then, 50% off at Value Village! Hahahhh, first time in awhile I've been to a thrift store. Leah was like "there's a sale! I got good stuff!" and I merely passed the news on to my mom. She got super excited so we went. The parking lot was like, filled and people must have gotten everything, hahahhh. I got a CUTE gap sweather cardigan thing though. It's a tad large but for $5.49 I wasn't expecting perfect. I was slightly disappointed as I only got one thing. Oh well. I'll just wait for other sale days :D

Now I am off to finish the last couple pages of Eclipse, get stuff ready for school, and call him after 9:00pm so we can chat all night. Yayayyy, I like not feeling sick. It's quite liberating.

Ugh-igh Morning

So I started off the day by choking on the bitter/nasty taste of Amoxicillan. The pill went down, then fucking came back up again! Curse it.

And I miss him. No free minutes today, hahahh. I at least got to talk to him for a little and tell him in detail about my morning.

I have a cough, and yet I'm still off to the dentist's soon so they can get impressions for my freaking BRACES. EWWWWWWWWWWWW. Okay, sorry.

I hate being sick. Stupid weather.

Things I've Learned Today

• Amoxicillan is the nasiest shit [I cut the pill in half since it's so big and when swallowed the wrong way, you can taste the powdery side of it]
• Boys make up as they go
• There is such a thing as too-cold orange juice
• Apples don't really fill you up
• Family Fun magazines are fun to read
• I will be a very eccentric mother someday
• Waking up early and doing nothing all day is one way to make a day seem longer.

Pre-2009 Goal

Okay, this is ridiculous. I need to gain some weight. When the doctor weighed me at my appointment I was sort of shocked. And it made me think all weekend and stuff and it seems true enough. This is so frustrating especially when I'm sick. I don't even have an appetite.

But okay. I have like, 1.75 months. That's enough for... 10 pounds? Will that even make a difference I wonder. Ughughughhhhh.

And yes, I am feeling loads better. All day I have been laying in bed reading Family Circle magazines and vigorously cutting out recipes of all shapes and sizes. I even have one for crepes!

Long One

I just feel the need to blog today.

So this morning I talked to him for around an hour before getting off to eat my yogurt. I'm starting to feel a little better but still sickish. Tomorrow should be the day when I'm all better, or at least that's what my doctor said. Hopefully that's right because I want to hang out with him this weekend. =[

Today I have 0 plans whatsoever. Like, no freaking idea of what to do. I just have to call Leah sometime and tell her about basically everything that's gone on lately. We haven't talked much lately which really sucks. She's been at her volleyball tournament and I only see her 6th period where we can't even talk. Lamelameeee.

It was all rainy, but then the skies are blue now. It's a pretty sight minus the rain.
Uh, I don't know what to do. Sooooo bored. Maybe I'll just go back to sleep?

Ughhhhh.

MYSTERY SOLVED

Freaking pneumonia in my lower-left back.

"Once organisms enter the lungs, they usually settle in the air sacs of the lung where they rapidly grow in number. This area of the lung then becomes filled with fluid and pus as the body attempts to fight off the infection."

Ew, ew. That is disgusting. Who the hell gets pneumonia? Sounded like one of those "no way, I would never catch that." type things. Apparently I was wrong. I am extremely happy though. Once I get those antibiotics, I will be well in 2-3 days [including today]. Heck yes! I'm tired of coughing up random stuff.

And, it gets even better. Since we were "there already" the doctor suggested that I get a flu vaccine. So December 21st, I will get a big gross shot. I'm kind of wimpy. This sucks.

Diseased

I don't even know. Do I have a cold? The flu? Bronchitus? Cancer?

Ugh, I just want to feel normal agaaaain. I can't even hang out with him afterschool or anything cause I'd just feel miserable the whole time. This weekend we must though, regardless of whether or not I'm still coughing up stuff. It's a freaking 4 day weekend and I want to spend some of it not having hot soup shoved down by throat and 5 blankets wrapped around me.

Sigh, what bad timing.

Pathetic

Oh Hun,
That was a really stupid lie you told. Sort of... pathetic. I mean, why lie like that. 2 lies in 1 statement. Because 1. you know you did. And 2. you know he didn't.

I had a nice laugh though. Cheered me right up from my depressive sickly state. Especially when talking to Kerlyn. She laughed with me too. As we all should. =]

Aww, my sweatshirt smells like him. Makes me not want to wash it, but that would be unhygenic.

Super Cute

Yes, this is THE cutest thing you will ever see.

Check it out. Especially if you like little 4-week old puppy dogs.

Updates

Hahahh, I just updated the blog on Jacky's profile. It was a lot to write.

And now I'm working on lame assignments.

Tired of School

5th period makes me sleepy. I tried to sleep since I had an opportunity but I just couldn't. I have a French exam next period! Ugh, and at the moment I'm supposed to be looking up information on freaking pine trees.

Ahahhblahblah. This morning was interesting. I hate the rain immensely. The rest of today was cute though. <3

Good Progress

I feel not as sick now. Just a weird gagging feeling when I cough though, hahahh.

Hmmmm, so I'm thinking that life is good now. :D
The drama concerning other people has subsided now which is a huge relief. What people say shouldn't really affect me... but it does. I think it affects everyone to some extent whether they want to admit it or not. And he's so super sweet to me sometimes, it makes me smileeee.

Eh, grades? I hope teachers update tomorrow because I do not want 3 A-'s. Election day too! As much as I would like McCain to win, I'm thinking Obama's got it.

Blodge powerpoint due soon and I haven't even started yet. I need to stop with the procrastination. I've said that so many times too, lmao.

Sickly

I just took 2 pills and am now eating hot chicken noodle soup.

I waited out at the bus stop for like, 25+ minutes in the freaking cold. Ugh, 168 is almost always late when you want to get on it. I have a superbad cough and everytime I do cough, my head throbs painfully. And I feel cold randomly and start shivering, even though I am layered and have a heater at my feet.

Oi, I'm sure it was from Fright Fest since it was raining super hard at first and my hair got all wet. Oh well, it was worth it of course. =]

I hope he likes it. I put quite a bit of effort into it. I loved his reaction at lunch today, it was so sweet. <3

Loveeey

You know the feeling.

All smiley and loveydovey and stuff. I missed that feeling. I'm glad it's back. =]

7months

Yes, it would have been.

15/03/16!
Lol, it's a very unique date.

Today was awesome except I think that I am coming down with something so I need to be careful and med. up cause I do not want to be sick.

Hehehee, I hope tomorrow goes as planned. <3

<3 !

Uhmmmm,
Best night of my life. Hands down.

We got lost for an hour trying to get to Fright Fest. Then ended up at my aunt's house. Then left again and it was hella easy to find. Then we went in the haunted house, on the Pirateship ride, timberhawk, THE FREAKING RING OF FIRE, bumpercars, haunted trail thing.

Then he asked me out. Again.
<3

I'm so utterly wiped.
Goodnight Blogger.

Haplessness

The "J" necklace sold out online. =[
I guess he'll have to find it elsewhere.

I had halloween plans with him toooo. Stinky parents had to get all parental on me today, so now I can't go. I instead have chores. It was going to be fun too. =[

And seriously, learn to deal with things on your own... that's what I've learned to do. At first I depended heavily on my friends to help me out with my social issues, but that didn't do any good whatsoever. It's just involving innocent bystanders into your own drama. If I feel bad in any way, I take care of it on my own directly with that person. There's no middleman nor miscommunication since it comes directly out of my mouth.

I just feel exasperated.

Halloween

I forgot to blog last night.

People and their drama. Leave me out of it.

Awwww,

So cute, so sweet.
<33


EHK, they might hold us back 6th period. If they do, I might be a little angry. I sort of like to attend my non-tech classes. I hope these people aren't too late.

First Period

Is quite enjoyable to blog in.

I am always right. And correct. And not wrong. I give it several days-weeks.



Btw, my day started off quite nicely. <33

Those3Words

Awesome today.

The tech. presentation was a little tiring though. My feeties hurt. It started off good, ended good too. In between was sort of up-down.

I'm freaking exhausted though. I feel the need to write. And think of ideas for upcoming weeks' 052.

Correctness

Note to self:

Give it a couple weeks-months?

I'll be right, he won't be. Sucks ass for him.

Big Grin

No, not Big Grim.

=]]

Man. I'm putting too much faith into fate. Does that make sense? Well, obviously fate doesn't always turn out how you want. Too much faith in fate, too much love in someone unstable. How will this work out?

I can't stop smiling. Someone needs to slap me.

Journal Bits - 1028

Today was nothing short of amazing. Nothing great in particular happened, but overall it was just good. People keep asking though, it's sort of awkward. But, I just feel more confident about things, no matter how they'll turn out.
I guess, what's happened has happened. There's no way I can go back.

I have lots to do tonight:

• Write thank you cards for mom's friends' presents
• Clean room
• Find fancyshmancy outfit for tomorrow
• Establish afterschool plans
• Write in oldschool journal
• Post junk on Craigslist
• Find JL's book
• HOMEWORK
• Persuade mom about Zune
• Shop $75+ on f21 online
• Clear memory cards
• Think of ideas for this week's 052
• Uh, uhmmm. That's it!