I'm in love again. it's been awhile and it scared the shit out of me to be honest. Over the past year, I became cold and distant. I figured everyone who seemed interested had a motive. Those who seem genuine uninterested me. I didn't trust anybody and I never got my hopes up. I did that before and it fucked me over harder than I expected it to.
I'm happy right now. he makes me smile when I feel like crying. he doesn't let me stew around in my sadness, he remembers the things I tell him, and he makes sure I always feel loved. our relationship is effortless. yet deep down, some little part of me still comes out to try to sabotage everything. I just get into my head and start doubting my choices. sometimes I think I'd be better off single. but the thing is, my life is perfect the way it is now.
it's just something I need to work on. I need to not doubt myself. I need to not doubt him. trusting someone is difficult but I don't want to ruin what I have with some deep-rooted trust issues I developed during a year of getting lost in the world. getting hurt would suck... and it is a possibility but it's worth the risk. I would rather see things all the way through then give up early and always think, "what if?"
but still, I try to sabotage myself. it's my biggest flaw.
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