future prediction:

so it's July now.

let me make some predictions because I don't think I'm stupid. I know what's going on in my life and how things will end, I just choose to blindly stumble forward and ignore every ounce of sense I have.

six months from now, things will not be worked out. you will be reminded that you are just the girl who was available. it will be confirmed that you felt more than anybody would ever reciprocate to you. it will be confirmed that you are stupid and should have listened to the advice of everybody involved in your life. you can't change people or save them. some people are broken and only they can save themselves. hopefully they can be saved at least. but then again, maybe they won't be. maybe they'll live within themselves until they realize it's too late. it's not your problem. your only problem is yourself.

hopefully by now you're closer to having a "big girl job" and fulfilling some dream of yours. hopefully... you're happy. you deserve to be happy.

right now you think you aren't lovable and things look bleak, but who knows. maybe what you need is right around the corner. stay strong. even if things suck ass, chin up. life is moving fast so you gotta too.